She will look like a white garment church prophetess anytime she is at home
It’s not her fault. She just cannot afford hair damage, or sacrifice the health of her hair at the altar of beauty. She knows that as long as she can keep her hair healthy, you will be the main beneficiary of the compliment whenever you are with her in public, so indulge her, and let her wear that ugly satin bonnet when she is at home!
She will make many friends while you are in public with her
She has natural hair! This means she will make at least 10 automatic friends for every time you go out with her, and that is the least. Natural girls love to hail their own, and strike instant conversations. It comes with the territory, so try to deal with it.
You will need to save her from the hair-touching ninjas
People will try to touch her hair, both strangers and known faces. It is your duty to draw out your sword and cut off any wandering fingers trying to hover around her hair. Only one person is allowed to touch her hair, and you my friend, have that great privilege, so protect your territory, man.
She will take over your whole closet, and some more
Her materials will be in the bathroom, kitchen, fridge, wardrobe, car, every single place you can think of. So just get ready, and when you see it happen, don’t bother complaining.
Just because it looks edible does not mean it is to be eaten
Yes we know that pudding in the bowl looks and smells yummy. It is a mixture of banana smoothie, mayonnaise, honey, avocado, yoghurt, etc. But stop… don’t try to eat it. It might have laden with some less-desirable things like Aloe vera, nettle, etc. You eat any strange yet inviting mix at your own risk. Don’t day you were not warned.
She will take over the fridge
You will see strange things like preserved DC, Aloe vera, coconut milk, etc. The fridge will be full, and it won’t be with things for you and your buddies, your children, or even for cooking. Don’t question her. Her hair comes first.
Seeing strands of hair everywhere you go will become the norm
You will see black wisps of hair on your pillow, in your car, in the bathroom, kitchen, everywhere you can imagine, even on your shirt… in office… while making a presentation in front of the 50-man management team. Just take care not to start dusting them off, in case the fly into the tea cup of the CEO.
You might not recognise her sometimes, but trust me, she's the one
Forgive her hair. It decided to do a 90% shrinkage today, due to the fact that she mistakenly added too much glycerine to her daily spritz, and was not even aware of it. Even though her hair was long to the middle of her back yesterday, believe her when she tells you she did not take a pair of scissors to the hair. And don’t try to imagine what she would look like tomorrow. You would only set yourself up for failure.
Your friends would either love her or not. No middle ground!
Get ready for statements like “Your hair looks gorgeous” and “What is this bird’s nest you are carrying on your head” from your friends, whenever you take your natural other half out. It comes with the territory of dating a naturalista
Be ready to defend her hair decisions, whether you understand them or not
When your mother, siblings, friends, or enemies tell you or her to go get her hair done because she looks like a mad woman, be ready to speak up for her immediately, even if you completely agree with them. Don’t wait for her to remind you, by pinching you under the table. This would really do wonders for your love bank, as a woman would do anything for a man she knows has her back
Familiarise yourself with safe ingredients
We know many ladies are impressed when their men buy them things that are actually useful. To impress your natural other half, don’t just think you can buy her any product you assume is for natural hair, out there. You need to know what ingredients are safe for her, and that her hair loves. Failure to do this would resort in you having the products all over your bald head.
Be ready to hear and learn a lot of natural hair lingo
When she calls you up to tell you she needs you to get to the mall because she has to do an ACV rinse or moisturising DC, do you know what she means? As a lover of a naturalista, you have to be very familiar and willing to keep up with the various natural hair lingoes out there ranging from APL, BSL, to DC, sulphate-free, silicone, etc.
BHD is the new PMS
Whenever you natural other half is in a bad mood, don’t just attribute it to PMS, as most men do. I tell you, it is most-likely due to the fact that she couldn’t achieve that gorgeous flat twists and twists out she saw on her favourite youtube idol. Just give her space and time, and don’t worry. A simple afro puff and a great compliment from you will vaporise the bad mood all away.
So there it is. I hope you enjoyed it. Send this link to every boyfriend, fiancee, husband, or even toaster of every naturalista you know.
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