Who will save the Naturalistas' Husbands

I am very fortunate to be married to a guy who loves natural hair. Unlike many other ladies, the fact that I had long natural hair was a major selling point in our relationship. It was one of the things he bragged about concerning me to his friends when he was telling them about the fact that he had met who he wanted to marry. He himself had full long'ish' natural hair during our courtship, which found a way to get themselves locked before the actual wedding.

Inasmuch as my husband likes hair, and can hold his own down when it comes to hair, he has never had to deal with dwelling with females as regards to hair, cos he is from an all-boys family. 

It is safe to say that every comment a husband like mine makes is from the angle of the supporting husband's club. Lately, he has been passing snide comments that have me rolling my eyes at him. And I can't help but think "Don't you know there's always a STORY behind every GLORY?" And to think that I'm not even high maintenance when it comes to hair care. I wonder what he would have done if he were married to a natural styling youtube guru

1. See the acne on my face, it is as a result of you rubbing your hair on my cheeks last night.

2. What's that smelling on your hair. Today, you smell like shea butter, tomorrow, you smell like coconut. Another day, you smell like pap. Everyday, it's a different smell.

3. Babe, what is this? See your hair everywhere.

4. They need to conduct an orientation class for men who intend to get married to naturalistas so we can know what we are getting into. What's all this now. Nobody warned us o.

5. Just the way people celebrate naturalistas all over the world, they need to celebrate their husbands too, cos they go through a lot.

Over to you. What comments have you heard from your husbands, boyfriends, lovers and admirers

Reasons why Naturalistas would Succeed in Marriage

If natural hair is a serious commitment, then marriage is an even more serious one, not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly. And once you’re in, there are certain things you must keep in mind. Here are 5 things married couples can learn from savvy naturalistas:


They know what their hair needs

Natural hair needs water. Water is the ultimate moisture, not hair oils, butters or creams. That’s why one of the first things a naturalista buys is a spray bottle. Water is LIFE to natural hair. The other things are applied to seal in the moisture, they are not the moisture.  What does your marriage need to thrive? Does your partner crave quality time with you? Do they thrive off your words of affirmation? Do they need you to help more around the house or support them in achieving their dreams? When you both find what pumps life into your marriage and make those things priority, marriage becomes easier and more enjoyable. Sex is vital in marriage but only when it’s sealing in the important things. Without them it tends towards hollowness after a while.


They pamper their hair

Savvy naturalistas know how to protect and love their hair. Is the hair breaking? It’s time to deep condition. Is there a problem with the edges? Hello, Jamaican Black Castor Oil. What do you do when your marriage isn’t flourishing? Wait for the whole front to chop finish? Ah. Savvy naturalistas wear protective styles to reduce combing and manipulation of their hair; they don’t even want to hear. They don’t even comb it when dry (the happiest couples know that the right time to bring up tough issues that need to be dealt with is after proper preparation) and they make sure to tuck their hair in satin bonnets before they sleep. If we gave one-tenth of this kind of attention and care to our marriages we’d see great results for sure.


They don’t compare their hair to others’ hair

Naturalistas who know what’s up don’t compare their hair. They know that each person’s hair is unique in its type, texture and even in how fast it grows. They do what is best for their own hair instead of always lamenting or worse still, trying to do what the next naturalista is doing. In the same way, the happiest couples work with what they’ve got and make it beautiful. They celebrate the uniqueness of their union.


They resist the creamy crack

There’s nothing wrong with relaxed hair; it has its own pros and can be just as beautiful as natural hair when properly cared for. Returning to relaxed hair is a choice every naturalista is free to make, but it should be a well-thought-out action. If you’re absolutely sure that marriage is not for you and a divorce is what will preserve your destiny and joy, then by all means get one. What you don’t want is running for the relaxer when the going gets tough only to regret it soon after. People who head for the door at the first sign of challenges in their marriage are usually sorry afterwards, so please resist the temptation. Nobody ever said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it. Guess what your natural hair is going to be when you relax it? Relaxed hair! Once you get a divorce you can’t jump back in the next day, so think things through before you call it quits.


They embrace variety 

Natural hair does not have to spell monotony and neither does marriage. If date night is usually a meal at a Chinese restaurant, why not go see a movie at the cinema, or even order in and watch a movie at home? If foreplay is always when you’re lying down why not try sitting up or even standing? Straw curls, twists, puffs, finger coils, Bantu knots…there’s so much to do! Even naturalistas with locs wear their hair in different styles, including the unbelievably gorgeous pipe cleaner curls! Only one style day in day out can get boring, don’t you agree? *wink*

Some naturalistas even watch natural hair videos on YouTube and attend natural hair events where they celebrate all that is wonderful about being natural, and learn how best to care for and enjoy their hair. Why should your marriage be left to fend for itself? Put in the work, reap the rewards. All the best!

By Joy Ehonwa

From Sabinews.com

13 Things husbands and boyfriends of every naturalista should know

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She will look like a white garment church prophetess anytime she is at home
It’s not her fault. She just cannot afford hair damage, or sacrifice the health of her hair at the altar of beauty. She knows that as long as she can keep her hair healthy, you will be the main beneficiary of the compliment whenever you are with her in public, so indulge her, and let her wear that ugly satin bonnet when she is at home!

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She will make many friends while you are in public with her
She has natural hair! This means she will make at least 10 automatic friends for every time you go out with her, and that is the least. Natural girls love to hail their own, and strike instant conversations. It comes with the territory, so try to deal with it.

You will need to save her from the hair-touching ninjas
People will try to touch her hair, both strangers and known faces. It is your duty to draw out your sword and cut off any wandering fingers trying to hover around her hair. Only one person is allowed to touch her hair, and you my friend, have that great privilege, so protect your territory, man.

She will take over your whole closet, and some more
Her materials will be in the bathroom, kitchen, fridge, wardrobe, car, every single place you can think of. So just get ready, and when you see it happen, don’t bother complaining.

Just because it looks edible does not mean it is to be eaten
Yes we know that pudding in the bowl looks and smells yummy. It is a mixture of banana smoothie, mayonnaise, honey, avocado, yoghurt, etc. But stop… don’t try to eat it. It might have laden with some less-desirable things like Aloe vera, nettle, etc. You eat any strange yet inviting mix at your own risk. Don’t day you were not warned.

She will take over the fridge
You will see strange things like preserved DC, Aloe vera, coconut milk, etc. The fridge will be full, and it won’t be with things for you and your buddies, your children, or even for cooking. Don’t question her. Her hair comes first.

Seeing strands of hair everywhere you go will become the norm
You will see black wisps of hair on your pillow, in your car, in the bathroom, kitchen, everywhere you can imagine, even on your shirt… in office… while making a presentation in front of the 50-man management team. Just take care not to start dusting them off, in case the fly into the tea cup of the CEO.

You might not recognise her sometimes, but trust me, she's the one
Forgive her hair. It decided to do a 90% shrinkage today, due to the fact that she mistakenly added too much glycerine to her daily spritz, and was not even aware of it. Even though her hair was long to the middle of her back yesterday, believe her when she tells you she did not take a pair of scissors to the hair. And don’t try to imagine what she would look like tomorrow. You would only set yourself up for failure.

Your friends would either love her or not. No middle ground!
Get ready for statements like “Your hair looks gorgeous” and “What is this bird’s nest you are carrying on your head” from your friends, whenever you take your natural other half out. It comes with the territory of dating a naturalista

Be ready to defend her hair decisions, whether you understand them or not
When your mother, siblings, friends, or enemies tell you or her to go get her hair done because she looks like a mad woman, be ready to speak up for her immediately, even if you completely agree with them. Don’t wait for her to remind you, by pinching you under the table. This would really do wonders for your love bank, as a woman would do anything for a man she knows has her back

Familiarise yourself with safe ingredients
We know many ladies are impressed when their men buy them things that are actually useful. To impress your natural other half, don’t just think you can buy her any product you assume is for natural hair, out there. You need to know what ingredients are safe for her, and that her hair loves. Failure to do this would resort in you having the products all over your bald head.

Be ready to hear and learn a lot of natural hair lingo
When she calls you up to tell you she needs you to get to the mall because she has to do an ACV rinse or moisturising DC, do you know what she means? As a lover of a naturalista, you have to be very familiar and willing to keep up with the various natural hair lingoes out there ranging from APL, BSL, to DC, sulphate-free, silicone, etc.

BHD is the new PMS
Whenever you natural other half is in a bad mood, don’t just attribute it to PMS, as most men do. I tell you, it is most-likely due to the fact that she couldn’t achieve that gorgeous flat twists and twists out she saw on her favourite youtube idol. Just give her space and time, and don’t worry. A simple afro puff and a great compliment from you will vaporise the bad mood all away.

So there it is. I hope you enjoyed it. Send this link to every boyfriend, fiancee, husband, or even toaster of every naturalista you know.

Did you enjoy or learn from the article above? Please, like our Facebook page here. Thank you

Love Series: How to Protect Your Natural Hair During Sex

ALRIGHTY THEN!!!

If you are below the age of 18, kindly close this page and go look for a book to read, as information here is most probably not for you.

Moving right along...

You get home from a long day of work or shopping or whatever it is that takes up your day, and your love has decided that he wants to physically show you how much he loves you. He's set up the dinner table with candlelight, some sweet red wine, and dinner. You can just tell from the twinkle in his eye, that this is going to be a looooooooong and pleasure-filled night. You smile at him and say you want to freshen up a little before dinner, and you head into the bathroom and do either of two things...

1. PANIC
   First of all, NO he did not just pull this on you!!! Doesn't he know that you need to protect your hair from all the writhing, and head-turning, and hair pulling, and head-banging that will take place?! Especially when your hair isn't
   - Properly moisturized,
   - Adequately detangled,
   - and Put up in a nice protective style to thwart all that friction your poor head will get from the non-satin pillowcase.
   
   And what about your nightly hair regimen?! You wonder at what point from the dining room to the bedroom, you can
   - Sneakily spray your hair with your DIY mix,
   - Give your ends some TLC,
   - Massage your scalp, edges and temples with Castor Oil because you just happen to be on Day 67 of  a Castor Oil Challenge,
   - Twist/flat twist/braid/pineapple your hair up while tucking in the ends,
   - AND put it all in your satin head scarf or bonnet... without him noticing!!!
   

   

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   Girl, are you REALLY thinking about your hair right now? Like, that is what is on your mind? NO NO NO! Forget this option and just...
   
   
2. RELAX (your mind and body o, not your hair)
   Your hair, and maybe even dinner can wait until tomorrow, because you're about to GET IT ON!!!!!!!!!! If your hair's REALLY that important, then I suggest you get on top and give him the ride of his life! YES I SAID IT! Another option is to stand, or do the grown-up puppy (figure it out).
   

   

   Source

   The point is g'head wit yo bad self and have some fun!

Happy Valentine's Day to You and Yours!!! 

#OkBye

The first person to comment about this post will win a N500 recharge card on any Nigerian network. Add your email address below your comment.

Berry Dakara

Words of a man in love with a struggling Naturalista

This note was written by the husband of one of the naturalistas who left a comment on this post about another naturalista's husband's reaction to natural hair. After cat calls for his opinions by other naturalistas, well, here you have it. The man has spoken.

Natural hair! Natural hair!! Natural hair!!! Where do I start from? Well, let me start from the beginning. A few months after I started dating my wife, I accompanied her to the salon she wanted to have a perm. I noticed that after having a perm, her hair was very thin and scanty, and I could almost see through her hair. When I mentioned it, she told me that her hair was a cause for concern. She said she had been praying and fasting for the growth of her hair for as long as she could remember.

Fast forward to my life as a married man to a beautiful wife with hair problems, I would chuckle each time she told me her prayer points included the growth of her hair. One day, after some research, she announced to me that she was going natural. This was after trying different hair styles from Mohawk to twists. I knew she was nervous about the whole thing so I decided to do a little research of my own to see if there was any way I could help her. As you know I am her knight in shinning armour, and my job is to make her life as comfortable as I can (big grin), secretly I have always loved the natural look.

In doing my research, I found out that black hair can actually grow very long, and also have a lot of interesting textures and styles, but it requires a lot of the right kind of care. In my wife’s quest of having healthy hair, she hadn’t taken the time to actually take care of her hair or even know what kind of texture of hair she had, things like being careful as to what one puts into one’s hair, using a lot of olive oil which I discovered is very good for the hair, heat not being her best of friends etc, so she started the natural hair journey. Now I must say my wife isn’t a very patient person, so on several occasions, she would lose her patience and decide that she wants to have a hair cut. I always discouraged this because I knew that she was just being frustrated and was going to regret it in the end.

In all. I must say her hair has become fuller, longer, and healthier. I will never forget how she looked on our fourth wedding anniversary. She had combed her hair out with a wide tooth comb, she was excited that it had grown. I too was shocked but pleased that it had grown, and was very healthy as well. How could I resist my own African Queen with such luscious kinky hair?

The Kamsons on their 4th wedding anniversary

Did I mention that my wife is very impatient? Yes I am sure I did. Well she would love the length of her hair to get to her bottom, I would love that as well but not in 6 months. It doesn’t work that way. For now she is hanging in there, watching the hair grow and getting to love it.

Will I continue to support her? Yes I would and all the naturalistas out there, because it takes a brave woman to stay different, I love your guts. In fact I am so into making her natural hair journey a success, that I am watching videos on how to take care of little girl's hair, as I wouldn’t mind being my daughter's hairstylist and prevent her from getting damaged hair to begin with.

Signed 

A naija man in love with a struggling naturalista.

Bolaji Kamson

When Your Man Doesn’t Like Your Natural Hair.

Source: Link no longer active

I wasn’t natural when I met my husband even though I rarely relaxed my hair then, maybe twice a year. Relaxers had been given me issues with burning my scalp and hair. Because I didn’t know better I just kept relaxing my hair when it was time to.

A year after we got married, I finally decided to go natural. I wasn’t aware of a natural community per se, so this was just me deciding there had to be a better way than burnt scalp.

I had hinted to my hubby I was going natural, or rather, that I was going to stop using relaxers finally (I didn’t even know there was a term called natural then), but we didn’t discuss it so much, therefore it was an absolute shock to him when I came back home one day with the big chop done. Funny I didn’t set out to do the big chop that day, but somehow, it happened.

My hubby was not impressed at all. He didn’t understand what this natural concept was about. We had a few arguments over my hair from time to time but each time, I tried to explain to him why I made that decision. Relaxer was damaging my hair and scalp. Period.

Four years down the line, I think he kinda gets it. At least, he doesn’t complain any more, but he sometimes tells me he misses my straight silky relaxed hair, and hopes maybe one day I will go back to relaxers. Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening any time soon.

Now armed with more information through the natural community, if I could go back in time, I would have done a few things differently. At the very least, prepare him!

Here are some tips on getting your man on board the natural hair wagon.

1. Educate your man about natural hair, and also your reason for wanting to go natural. Give him time to get used to the idea
2. Show him pictures of natural women and the versatile styles that can be created with natural hair.
3. Ask him what his concerns are and address them. If you don’t know the answer, find out more information and get back to him.
4. Compromise where you can. Fix braids, weave or wear wigs while he is still getting used to the idea of your natural hair.
5. If he doesn’t like you with low cut, consider transitioning for a while instead of doing the big chop.
6. To the best of your abilities, make sure your natural hair always looks neat & presentable especially when you are going out. Don’t give him any opportunity to lament.

Yes I know it is your hair, but I don’t think it is worth fighting over with your man. So it is best to manage his expectation.

What if you are single, and your (intending) boyfriend is not keen on your natural hair? The steps above should apply. If he still not happy then you have two choice- go back to relaxers or reevaluate your relationship. 

Hopefully, he will see that you are more than just hair and, embrace your natural hair.

How do you deal with your spouse or boyfriend not feeling your natural hair? Interested in reading more tips and/or your experiences.

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Aloted Omoba (pseudonym), is a natural chica who runs the Super Working Mum website, a resource hub for working mothers who desire to optimize their relationships, resources and time.

You can connect with her here:

Website: www.superworkingmum.com

Twitter: @aloted and @superworkingmum.

Facebook: SuperWorkingMum