When Your Man Doesn’t Like Your Natural Hair.

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I wasn’t natural when I met my husband even though I rarely relaxed my hair then, maybe twice a year. Relaxers had been given me issues with burning my scalp and hair. Because I didn’t know better I just kept relaxing my hair when it was time to.

A year after we got married, I finally decided to go natural. I wasn’t aware of a natural community per se, so this was just me deciding there had to be a better way than burnt scalp.

I had hinted to my hubby I was going natural, or rather, that I was going to stop using relaxers finally (I didn’t even know there was a term called natural then), but we didn’t discuss it so much, therefore it was an absolute shock to him when I came back home one day with the big chop done. Funny I didn’t set out to do the big chop that day, but somehow, it happened.

My hubby was not impressed at all. He didn’t understand what this natural concept was about. We had a few arguments over my hair from time to time but each time, I tried to explain to him why I made that decision. Relaxer was damaging my hair and scalp. Period.

Four years down the line, I think he kinda gets it. At least, he doesn’t complain any more, but he sometimes tells me he misses my straight silky relaxed hair, and hopes maybe one day I will go back to relaxers. Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening any time soon.

Now armed with more information through the natural community, if I could go back in time, I would have done a few things differently. At the very least, prepare him!

Here are some tips on getting your man on board the natural hair wagon.

1. Educate your man about natural hair, and also your reason for wanting to go natural. Give him time to get used to the idea
2. Show him pictures of natural women and the versatile styles that can be created with natural hair.
3. Ask him what his concerns are and address them. If you don’t know the answer, find out more information and get back to him.
4. Compromise where you can. Fix braids, weave or wear wigs while he is still getting used to the idea of your natural hair.
5. If he doesn’t like you with low cut, consider transitioning for a while instead of doing the big chop.
6. To the best of your abilities, make sure your natural hair always looks neat & presentable especially when you are going out. Don’t give him any opportunity to lament.

Yes I know it is your hair, but I don’t think it is worth fighting over with your man. So it is best to manage his expectation.

What if you are single, and your (intending) boyfriend is not keen on your natural hair? The steps above should apply. If he still not happy then you have two choice- go back to relaxers or reevaluate your relationship. 

Hopefully, he will see that you are more than just hair and, embrace your natural hair.

How do you deal with your spouse or boyfriend not feeling your natural hair? Interested in reading more tips and/or your experiences.

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Aloted Omoba (pseudonym), is a natural chica who runs the Super Working Mum website, a resource hub for working mothers who desire to optimize their relationships, resources and time.

You can connect with her here:

Website: www.superworkingmum.com

Twitter: @aloted and @superworkingmum.

Facebook: SuperWorkingMum