Have you ever felt like this whole 'natural' business isn't for you? Like you're probably the worst when it comes to taking care of your natural hair? Like your hair is a rock and you're surrounded by other naturals with marshmallowy, cloudy, softer-than-a-baby's-behind textured hair? Or maybe your hair's grown only ONE inch in the past 6 years?! Somehow that whole "Black Girl Long Hair" concept skipped right over your head?
I feel like this and more sometimes. When I go online and see growth retention of 16 inches in 3 years, I feel like a failure. When other naturals talk about their disciplined hair care regimens, I want to run and hide under my non-satin blanket. When I see heads with full, bouncy twists, I wonder why my twists are thin and have to be held down with a hair band. Ladies come up with all kinds of beautiful styles, and the only style I know is a wash-n-go. And oh, let's not talk about the natural hair care mavens who have the many natural acronyms down pat - it took me 3 years to know what an SSK was (and I still don't know how to untangle it).
At times like these, I really just want to give it all up. I ask myself
- To cut or not to cut? What if I look like a school boy afterwards?! YIKES!
- To relax or not relax? After all, my mum and sisters have long, healthy relaxed hair. But nah, I might feel like a bigger failure.
- To texturize maybe? No, I'm sure I'll come out looking like I have a jheri-curl.
- Hide my hair under a weave/wig/braids forever and ever?
- Flat-iron the kinky out of it?
*le sigh*
I just don't think I'm at the end of my hair journey (IF there is an end at all). I have to tell myself out loud to simply just take it a day at a time, and nurse my hair to health.
hahahah, girl you are too funny! Trust me, i feel exactly the same each time I watch other girls "natural hair journey" on Youtube. I mean these girls do all the "donts" such as using hair tools, frequent manipulation, minimal protective styling, but they still retain in incredible amount of length. I don't feel like a failure or give up though because at the end of the day, I only compare my hair now to my relaxed hair back in the day. After 3.5yrs, My hair is about 2-3inches away from a BSL. A HUGE accomplishment for me, considering the fact that my hair never grew past my neck in the 7years it was relaxed. My question is, are you noticing length changes over time? If not, you might have to consider your haircare practices.
ReplyDeletebtw, I don't have a strict regimen either, I 'freestyle" most times. But i'm gonna try and see if having a strict regimen would make any difference..
themanecaptain.blogspot.ca
I've contemplated cutting again or relaxing the hair. just hanging in there and I've decided to try once more....
ReplyDeleteI'm so fed up. My drawer is full of products. I continually research new things as nothing seems to work for me :( I suffer from traction alopecia and no matter which protective hairstyle I try my scalp reacts in pain with loss of more hair. Even loose two strand twists my scalp can't handle. I decided on my journey in December 2012 and now 18 months later I'm supposed to be approx 9 inches longer but it's not moved an inch. Well prob only gained an inch. I understand about fragile ends and moisture moisture moisture and my ends are always tucked away. I've got to the point where I'm ready to do a Britney and shave it all off and just wear wigs. Because of my sides which I began losing when I was about 11 (im now 29) , I can never where the hair out anyway. I'm constantly full of envy of girls, not just with long, THICK hair but I get teary at full healthy edges. I'm just so fed up with this life long battle. Good luck to all you curlies who are succeeding. I love seeing black girls with lovely hair. I hope when I have a girl her hair can be healthy and she doesn't get my genes
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