Help. I'm between the devil of relaxers and the deep blue sea of stubborn natural hair

Hi AN,

I don't know if anyone would read this or better still if anyone can help. I came across this blog a couple of minutes ago because right now, I am at a breaking point in my life. I stand here with a dark and lovely kit I
purchased from walmart, and I am about to go back on that road I left a year and a half ago. I have been transitioning for close to two years and had my big chop last 6 months. Since the big chop, my hair just became something it has a mind of its own. It is now annoyingly stubborn, I can only comb through it. When there is a conditioner in it. when its dry, it recoils and forms the thick mass of stubborn bunch. To add salt to my injury. hairline is receding...looks like they are on a race. Its so awful that my hubby is also concerned sef. he blames the hairline on this my natural hair craze. Now, I look more like a tortoise with a funny looking
mass of hair at the back.

My experience with relaxers made me quit altogether. When i used to relax my hair, there was no time my scalp didnt get burnt, no matter the kit or the salon. I tried so many remedies, left my hair unwashed for like 4 months, put the relaxers in the fridge, added olive oil...nothing worked. I just need someone to talk to because holding this relaxer makes me feels like I am faced with the devil. Behind me with my stubborn mass of hair Isn't
attractive either.

Can anyone hear me...please help if you can.


Hey B,

Easy easy. How are you doing? I can almost feel your pain from your email. Sorry about what you are going through. Trust me, many women have gone through it too. The good news is that there's always a solution to every problem.

Let me ask. When you were transitioning, did you read natural hair care or transitioning blog posts? You sound like you did not, but I might be wrong. If so, forgive me.

The reason why I say so is that, as a natural hair carrier, you are supposed to know that you should never comb your hair dry, never!  It won't work. These are the basics of natural hair care. As for your hair being stubborn, regular and proper deep conditioning over time will sort that out. Have you been deep conditioning?

As for your receding hairline, I can tell you that it is not going natural that made your hairline recede. In fact, going natural makes one's receding hairline correct itself. So let me ask, have you been using weaves an extensions that have been pulled to tight on your edges? This is the number one cause of receding hairline.

From your experience with relaxers, I would say you shouldn't relax your hair. Follow the suggestions I have stated in the mail, which is stop combing your hair dry, Deep Condition regulary, and watch how those extensions hold your edges. And if you want to answer any of the questions, reply me. 

I wish you the best.


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  1. My sister has exact same problem. Sometimes I feel this natural hair thing is not for u. Her hair is so stubborn and it can curl for Africa. Hopefully d dep con works. But if there are some Nigeria handy products u can recommend we'll be glad

    1. Lol. I actually think the statement 'this natural hair thing is not for you' should stop being peddled around. Anyone can be successful at having healthy natural hair, if everyone can find out what works for them, since we are all different. That is exactly why this blog was created.

      We are here to dispel common natural hair myths, and assist people in having a healthy hair care regime that actually works. Everyone can have natural hair, but we all know that not everyone will.

  2. B needs a through education on her hair. Coilyhair has the tendency to coil back after being stretched either through combing or any other means. And it's suppose to have a giant mass. Your coilyhair hair won't act like your straight hair.


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