How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship With Your Hair

One thing about our natural kinky hair is that it has a history - a strong history of slavery, abuse, and negativity. We were made to believe that our hair wasn't good enough and that it should always be a certain way otherwise, it would be unaccepted.

It might seem as though we have gone past all that, but the truth is we are still scarred by the past, therefore, we have a lot of learning unlearning, and relearning to do when it comes to our natural hair.

Beyond Love

Loving your natural hair they say comes with a price, the price of spending large amounts of money on products you don't even need in a bid to tame your curls. The truth is you want to "tame' it because you think it has to be a certain way like another person's hair.

Loving your hair goes beyond products and right up to how you treat your hair and what you even say to it.

Our natural hair is not;

Stubborn
Difficult to manage

It can;

Grow very long
Be easy to manage
Be different original colors
Be for everyone

How do you know if you are in a Toxic Relationship with your hair?

It is possible to be in a toxic relationship with your hair without even realizing it. Maintaining the idea that your hair is difficult to manage can keep you in a cycle of constant experimentations with the wrong products thereby keeping your hair growth stagnant.

If you find out that you never feel comfortable wearing your natural hair out on occasion or at work, then it is also another sign. Understandably, the struggle for our natural hair to gain acceptance in the corporate world especially has been on for decades. This is why we need to learn creative ways to style our hair and wear it with confidence because the more we continue to challenge the status quo, the more we receive the change.

Your natural hair doesn't always have to be hidden under a wig, nor does it have to be attached to an extension.

The Role of Influencers

The role influencers have played in the natural hair community has impacted the decision of many women to begin or end their natural hair journey, adopt certain techniques, and even wear their natural hair in certain ways.

As much as it is great to learn from influencers, your hair goals should be your own. Many influencers have a different hair type and might also have been on the journey to discovering their hair for a long, therefore, going by their own routine would often lead to a disaster.

Also, most of the products influencers swear by are often paid sponsorship by brands, therefore, you need to be careful in going by their advice to use a certain brand. This is because they probably already have a brand they know works for their hair and only do a one-off for the promotion.

Furthermore, your favorite natural influencer might be located in a different time zone, so your routine would definitely not match. It is important to do thorough checks before deciding to be influenced.

Questions to ask yourself

On your natural hair journey, there would be a lot of discovery, acceptance, and even frustration. Many naturalistas have considered reverting to their permed hair or going on low cut. If you can answer these questions accurately, it would help keep you on a smooth path.

Why did I start my natural hair journey?
Am I using my own regimen or someone else's?
Do I want to end this journey?
Am I using the right products?
Do I have the right tools?
Do I use the right technique?
Have I ever visited a professional Trichologist?
DIYs or off-the-shelf products?
What hairstyle both suits and protects my hair?
Do I have any genetic or psychological disorders like trichotillomania ( Hair pulling disorder)
How does my diet affect my hair?
What is my workout routine like and is my lifestyle generally healthy?