Diary of an Honest Naturalista: Week 160

How to get a man to propose… That’s been the topic on my mind for a very long time now. I have been living in denial for a very long time now, but if I must say the truth, it still matters to me. The last time I let this get to me, and was focusing on what I don’t have, instead of the blessing Dimeji is to me, it landed me in hot peppersoup, by making my affections wander.

But still…

I still want what I want.

After our last major issue, that strongly rocked the boat of our relationship, things have been going really great for us, as I have come to realise that it’s either Dimeji or no one for me, and he also sees it the same way from his side.

The tone of our conversations have already taken a more serious turn. Yes, we used to talk about our marriage before, but now, our plans are becoming more definitive. Talking about stakeholders, who to see, what premarital activities need to be fleshed out, and putting possible timelines along with it.

But still…

There’s no formal proposal yet.

I know that some people would say it doesn’t matter, since dates and actions are already rolling in, and we are already toeing the path.

But still…

I still want what I want.

So one day, I tried bringing it up with him… in style. It was in the middle of a conversation

“So when we go to see Pastor ABC, and Aunty XYZ, I would ask my mum about other people she thinks are important to honour with the information. I’m just sceptical about asking her because she might now start lording her opinions over us.” Dimeji was saying.

“Sweetheart… Ehn this one that we have started talking about formally meeting people…” I started cautiously

“Okay…” Dimeji slowed down, knowing something was coming.

“I’m just saying!”

“Saying what?”

“I’m just saying… that we need to do things in the right order.” I said as a matter of fact.

“Babe, I don’t understand. Can you just come out and say what you are to trying to tell me in plain English.”

I paused for a very long time before proceeding. “Sweetheart, I don’t think I would be comfortable going to introduce us to family members on both sides, telling them we are planning to get married without getting a formal proposal and an engagement ring from you.” I said as plainly as possible without being forceful or rude about it.

“Okay, I have heard.” He said flatly, without emotions.

“You have heard?” I replied questioningly, with doubt written all over my face.

“Yes, I have heard.”

I kept looking with scepticism.

Source

“So are you going to do it before we start going out to meet people?” I asked.

“Please don’t put pressure on me, Anna.” He snapped. “You have spoken your mind, and I said I have heard. Leave whether I am going to do it to me.”

And with that, I decided to wisen up, and just forget it.

It’s been a while since we had that conversation, but still nothing has come up. I even started to despise it, so I wouldn’t expect too much. If he likes, he should eat his ring, and proposal. I will keep lying to myself that I don’t care.

But still…

I still want what I want.