Dealing with the urge to relax your Natural Hair

We've all had those days...your hair won't co-operate, your bobby pins have disappeared and you just feel less than presentable, I know I have. The next best alternative is to reach for that relaxer jar.

This is not a post looking down on chemical straighteners, this is a part of my natural hair experience which I want to share with you dear reader, because I think you can relate.
As a natural and healthy hair blogger, you would expect that I'm die hard for my tresses every day, and would not think of permanently straightening them. After all it's what I write about, give advice about. The fact of the matter is I get that niggly feeling to relax on days I’m late for work cause I spent 30 minutes making it look professional ( I work in a law firm so neat hair is a must), on days I see straight relaxed hair blowing in the wind, on days I see relaxed hair longer than a 14 inch weave, on days i'm too tired to braid up my hair before bed, on days I want to show off my length, on days washing and detangling are a real chore...on days when I just want that effortlessly sleek look, and on days when shrinkage is messing with my high and mighty puff!!

But then I stop to think. If I relax my hair, it won’t come to life and shrink, squiggle and curl when I wet it, I'll miss seeing my curl pattern, my braid out bangs and twist outs won’t be as fly, I'll miss the volume from a textured do. Let's not forget the "Wow how did you do that?!" comments (smile, they give a confidence boost once in a while).

 My favourite part of wash day is seeing my curls coil up and shrink. They "come to life" when wet, and that is one of the best parts of being natural for me, and also the number one reason why I dismiss relaxer thoughts...the life in my hair.

My point is the itch to relax does not make you any less of a natural haired lady, it's normal to see something different and wish for it. Simply because it is different. As long as you remember why you are natural, those relaxer thoughts will soon disappear. And that’s what happens to me, I think of all the glorious curls and coils and that relaxer thought goes with the wind.  Other times all it takes is a bangin' hairstyle and i'm good. So my message to you dear naturalista on this healthy hair journey, is to embrace the part of you that thinks to  relax again. Don’t feel like you’ve betrayed the community or feel like you are a hypocrite. It’s just a passing thought.

This would be the part of the post where I’d suggest things to do to keep you from relaxing it. I’ll leave that to you to decide. But here’s a hint that seems to work a lot with me. Google your natural hair type e.g “natural hair 4a” and google one new hairstyle you would like to try. Seeing all those images sometimes is just the extra push you need to keep motivated. 

 How do you deal with relaxer urges?


  1. I have never had to deal with relaxer urges. I hated having to relax my hair, and used to cry under the dryer after relaxing my hair. When I went natural, it was like a freedom I never felt before. I told myself "never again". Honestly, I rather shave my hair and go bald. That 'urge' is really not for me, lol.

  2. Nope, never really had relaxer urges. Big chopping however? Every other hour.

  3. Agree with Nkoli. Never will have relaxer urges. I even hate flat ironing. I personally love shrinkage, I looove I mean love the JESUS gasps from people when I accidentally (on purpose) pull on my shrunk hair in public. Won't give it up for any fly in the wind straight hair.
    But big chopping again yes please. My heavens the detangling stress no be here abeg.


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