Diary of an Honest Naturalista: Week 43

It has been a while since I wrote about Madam Adams, the woman I report to. As you might have guessed, she’s not really one someone should take serious, despite her forcefulness and all, especially as a naturalista, because one would just get frustrated.

Ever since she made the statement about my hair being like threads of a mop stick, to which I did not take offence, I have paid her no mind at all when it comes to things that do not have to do with work, and surprisingly, she had not really pressed me about my hair again. I had been expecting her case to be like that of Thomas, but I am really glad she disappointed me in the negative. Still, I just cannot wait to finish me NYSC here, and get away from this uninspiring environment, and her drilling stare.

In recent times, I noticed Madam Adams had been looking at my hair more than usual. At first, I counted it as the usual stares, but later, it began to be uncomfortable. She would give me a job to do, sit opposite me, and the spook me with her looks. At a point, I felt if I was not careful, her stares would rip my hair from my hair one day, and I would go home bald.

 Two weeks ago, Madam Adams called me, and said she wanted to talk to me. I wondered what was wrong, since she is in the habit of ‘talking’ to people in front of everyone, never minding the person’s feelings about the subject matter of her ‘talk’. I moved closer to her, expecting her to reduce the volume of her voice, and then talk, but she said we should go to the restroom, that it is a very ‘private discussion’.

At this point, I started to wonder what this woman was up to, because I did not trust her at all. “Maybe she had finally gotten tired of my mop (natural) hair, and couldn’t just wait to shove by head down a toilet full of shit to communicate how much it disgusted her. Maybe she had hidden a jar of relaxer in the folds of her wrapper, and was waiting to slap in on my head when we got to the restroom. Maybe…”

A barrage of thoughts crossed my mind, but since I couldn’t resist her call, more out of curiosity than fear. I agreed to her restroom invitation, preparing to put up a fight should any funny business begin to transact.
When we got to the restroom, she looked into all the compartments to make sure we were the only ones around. One person was still there, so she waited for the person to be gone. After then, she started, with her voice reduced to the barest minimum.

“Ehn ehn, Anna, see my hair. Omo mi, joo (My child, please), what can I do to this front hair? I am tired o. The thing is just chopping and chopping, and I don’t know what to do again.” She whispered, like we were discussing secret methods to bomb the white house.

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 If you recall, Madam Adams has Mama mi l’eko edges (Non-existent), and she loves doing Parking gel style, with darling Yaki at the corwn of her head.

When she started this line of enquiry, I was so dumbfounded and shocked, I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or run away. How I remained composed, I still don’t know till today.  I just said “Wow. Your edges?” Like I never noticed she had issues with it.

“Yes naa, omo mi. Wo, look at your front hair, very full. How can my own be full like yours? I have tried my best o. teach me what to do.”

Here are my lines of thoughts at that moment

“You haven’t tried your best. Stop lying. Else, what is that hairstyle doing on your head?”

“So you know my front hair is full, yet you call it mop hair, and look at it in disdain.”

“So your voice can be low like this?

“Is it because of your hair that you want to shove my head inside toilet?”

“So matters of your hair are private, but other people’s hair is public.”

Since I did not have any positive thought towards her, and she seemed like she would hang on to whatever I told her, since my mop hair had suddenly converted me to an expert, I decided to get back at her.

“Madam Adams, to be honest ehn, I can see your edges are really bad. I would have told you, but I couldn’t because of the respect I have for you.”

“Ehn ehn” She said.

“Yes ma. Hmm, in fact, it is so bad that there is only one thing you can do to correct it o.” I continued.

“What is that, omo mi?” Her eyes flashing with hope.

“You will have to cut it!” I dropped the bomb nonchanlantly.

...To be Continued

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