Diary of an Honest Naturalista: Week 32

Last night I had a dream. I was in secondary school, and I was the representative for my school at a High School debate. I was the sole debater, and I was up against another sole debater from another school. I remember she had long flowing hair, and it was all her hair, while my hair was all kinky and shrunk up. As we stood against each other, I drooled all over her hair. Don’t blame me, it was just a dream. Before I knew what was happening, the moderator gave us the topic, “Relaxed Hair is classier than Natural hair.” I was to speak against while my opponent was to speak for, and we had just one round to prove our points. Immediately, my leg started shaking because we were not prepared for the topic.

My opponent went straight into full swing about how her hair is shiny, and mine was dull and dry. At this point, I looked at my hair, and was ashamed cos she seemed to be right. She mentioned the fact that her hair could flow in whatever direction she waved her head, her hair was easier to maintain, and she went on and on and on, while I just stood there and looked like a flogged puppy dog.

When her time was up, I was still blank. At this point, I knew I had no choice but to be very frank, and talk like it wasn’t a debate. So I went thus.

“Let me be very honest, since the call me an honest naturalista. There are sometimes I see ladies like my opponent with long relaxed hair, and I kind of envy them and their stressless routine compared to natural ladies. But then I remember the burns after every relaxer session, and the envy bouts disappear.

Some other times, my hair looks so dull and frizzy that I begin to covet shiny relaxed hair, but again I remember that only natural hair can achieve fabulous hairstyles like some kind of twists, and twistouts that look like telephone chords, and I just become proud of my hair texture, cos people with relaxed hair have to fix curly weaves to achieve that same style. And what of the hair volume one has just because one is natural? Classy! I don’t need to tuck extensions into my hair to achieve a very full pompadour, my natural hair can achieve that, while my opponent needs the assistance of fake hair to do that.

Today my hair can be longer than hers, and tomorrow, look like a Teeny weeny afro. Talk about versatility. My hair can be curly today, wavy tomorrow, straight next week, and kinky yesterday. It is absolutely unpredictable, and that to me, is the definition of classy. With this few points of mine, I hope I have been able to convince you that Relaxed hair is not classier than Natural hair.”

I did not know whether I did well or spun dust, but I knew I was feeling cool with myself, and I had a satisfied grin as this on my face. I felt I had whooped somebody, and should be dancing shamelessly like this.

The moderator went thus. “After aggregating all the scores, the student speaking for had a total of 56 points, and the student speaking against had a total of…”

Ring ring ring… I rolled my head on my pillow, and saw Dimeji’s name on the caller ID of my phone.

“I just wanted to surprise you with a midnight call.” This was about 3.00am. “I’m sure you are happy to hear from me. You must be smiling now. I actually dreamt of you last night. What did you dream of?”

I just rolled my eyes in sarcasm. I could kill this guy right now. How will I ever know if I won the debate?

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