Diary of an Honest Naturalista: Week 148

I spoke with Tonya last night. She said things are going on well between her and Carl, though I’m still sceptical. My myopic mind still won’t allow me open my mind up to a guy who weaves his hair and used to wear studs.

She was heartbroken over the whole Dimeji saga but consoled about the fact that it’s all over.
So we were oohing and aahing over the fact that we really miss each other.

“Wow, Tonya, I really miss you.” I started

“Girrrllllll, I miss you too. I miss you die.” She said, trying to force the last bit of Nigerian accent which she was fast losing again.

“I remember that time when I first saw you in NYSC camp, with your cotton wool hair that I had to kill myself to detangle months later.” I burst into laughter.

“Well, at least, I learnt so much about the whole natural hair thing from you. That’s something I gained from being in Nigeria.”

“Tonya, I can’t believe we would forever be separated. So this is how we would just fizzle out.” I said with a melancholic voice.

“And who says we would be forever separated. We can see sometime soon.”

“But you said you don’t know if you’d ever come back to Nigeria. In fact, if I remember well, you said you would never step your foot on this soil again.” I said, stopping short of mentioning the whole Sola Matthews saga.

“Yes, but why can’t you come over to visit me? After all, I came to visit you for a whole year.”

I immediately rolled my eyes at my end of the line. “Madam, first of all, you didn’t come to visit me for a year. You came to Nigeria for the first time in your life, to serve the unknown land of your father, and we met. Secondly, I can’t just pack my bags and come and visit you. I know you don’t know this, but for some of us in this world, there is something called American Visa. You know, right?”

“Then get the visa and come.” Tonya said without a clue.

“It’s not that easy.”

“And why is that?” She countered.

I felt like smacking sense into her American skull. “American visiting visa is hard to get, especially for people like me who haven’t left the shores of Nigeria before, and therefore have no travel history.”

“But you can try.” She persisted.

“Easier said than done. I can’t waste my time and money.”

“So tell me. What do you need? I would write you a letter.” She pushed.

Oh, she wasn’t carrying a clueless American head after all. “Don’t worry.” I laughed at what I interpreted as a joke.

“I’m serious, Anna. I would write you a letter, and pay for your flight, if you eventually have to come.”

“Really? Okay, no problem then. I will let you know when I’m ready.”

“Anna, I’m serious.” She said a second time. “I really miss you, and can’t wait to see you.” She started shrieking excitedly, which was a mismatch for my calm demeanour.

“Don’t worry. I will get back to you. Let me ask Dimeji first.”

“Ohh true.” She paused for a bit before proceeding. “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine with it. And if he is not okay, just tell him I said you guys can come together. I will pay for all his expenses too.”

What??? This Tonya girl… after all these years. She was still as clueless and simple-minded as ever.


  1. loook at this anna calling a nice gesture cluelesss... aunty is it your money..

    1. Hehehe....Anna doesn't want too much oshofri.

    2. Lol @ aunty is it your money.

    3. Naa, you guys don't understand. I guess she means that some guys won't take to other ladies sponsoring them just because theyu feel they can't afford it. Guys like to be guys.

    4. Who begged her to think for Dimeji. Plus I don't think that's what she meant though

    5. She doesn't like too much oshofri LMBo hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    6. *covers face* haaa what I do?

    7. We should leave Anna to do her thing.

  2. I need a Tonya in my life or better still, I wish I could be the Tonya in someone else's life.

  3. Omg! She really wants you to visit her, and you're calling it clueless? Biko can I have her as a friend? Tenks


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