Diary of an Honest Naturalista: Week 97

I still have my threading on, and rocking it to the last.

I am extremely extremely ashamed to admit this, but Dimeji and I went for counselling last week. It had gotten so bad that there are very long silent moments in our daily conversations, and after a while one person is just eager to end the call. How it got to this point, I don’t know. The saying that “whatever you don’t pay attention to will eventually die a natural death” is coming to play here. We probably took each other for granted for too long, and now our relationship is paying the price.

What baffles me is that I thought the relationship/courtship stage supposed to be a honeymoon phase all through, and that couples don’t experience these kinds of issues till about 2-5 years after marriage. This is very scary for me sha. The good thing is that we love each other, and are really willing to make it work.

So in my wisdom, I decided that it is best we take a break in order to sort ourselves out, and evaluate things. He declined saying, without the break, there was already a gap, and a break would only create a wider gap, which we might not be able to bridge again.

Two weeks later, there was a very terrible long silent session, and I decided I had had it. So I called, and said please take a break and go and sort yourself out (see how I indirectly pushed it all to him). He was dumbfounded and speechless, but I felt I just couldn’t go on anymore. He even called back about 10 minutes later, but had absolutely nothing to say.

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It wasn’t until the next two days that it occurred to me that the break-taking option should have been my last resort after I had exhausted all other options. Definitely, we hadn’t resorted to the counselling option.

I eventually presented the counselling option to him, and he was acting all macho. He asked for time to think about it, and eventually gave an affirmative answer five days later. I set up an appointment with my pastor, who knows both of us well, and has a very practical approach to dealing with things like this. During the counselling session, he told us the truth about how these things need to be sorted out now, because it gets worse in marriage. He told us that we can’t stay in our comfort zones, and adopt the ‘This is just how I am’ attitude. He said so many things that were helpful to us both. After a while, Dimeji asked me to excuse them both, that he wanted to talk to my pastor privately. I guess it was men’s talk, and it wasn’t fit for a woman like me.

Will things get better between Dimeji and I, since we have gone for counselling? Well, I don’t know. All I know is that I have done my best by not throwing in the towel without exhausting all available options. We will keep our fingers crossed.

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